Your input will help keep me entertained for another couple of hours and possibly redeem your blighted soul.

This Saturday the best and brightest of Black Library (Games Workshops publishing arm) will descend upon Nottingham for a nerd extravaganza that has the possibility to make me explode.

I myself will be there and will hopefully set Twitter on fire with regular updates. Just follow @shanekitt to see what the hell I’m gushing about at any given moment. Check the event hashtag too at #BLLive2011.

Dan Abnett, Graham Mc Neill, Aaron Dembski-Bowden and James Swallow are among the many big names signing some things (mostly books) and talking about other things. I actually have a schedule planned out for the day and if I really find myself with too much time on my hands I might just jot down some questions to fire out at the Q & A sessions.

If you haven’t a clue what any of this means then a) why are you reading this? and b) maybe you can’t read.

While other children would play in the water or throw a  frisbee around I would dig in the damp-ish sand merely for the thrill of connecting one hole in the ground with another. The aching sense of defeat when the inevitable cave in occurred was nearly too much to bear however.

I dreamed of a subterranean house, a labyrinthe of interconnecting passages spanning miles, even working out how I could plug in the telly and the Sega down there. Perhaps it was some subconcious defense mechanism against my fledgling claustrophobia or maybe I just sat in the cupboard for so long I went a bit funny in the head.

My fascination with all things underground reached fever pitch when I finally got my hands on a little game called Minecraft.

The game I once saw described as “Aspergers: The Game” burst into the world of indie games like a biblical cataclysm. Praise and champagne rained from the heavens, puppies wept with joy and the inventor of the game – the man affectionately known as “Notch”- was tipped for canonization. Minecraft attracted accolades and devotion with apparent ease. This was credited to its ludicrously simple concept. Dig up the materials you require and build whatever the fuck you want. Only the most cynical among us could resist the limitless potential of this game. Been itching to convert your shrubbery patch into some sort of evil lair? Do it in Minecraft. On top of a volcano.

The mere fact that you need to dig up whatever you require is ingenious. If you could plough straight into a 1:1 scale model of the Death Star with all the materials at your disposal upfront it just wouldn’t feel the same, would it? So put on your hat with the light on the front, craft yourself a good pickaxe or three and dig. Several hours later you’ll have a lovely hole in the ground buuuuut you’ll also have stacks and stacks of wonderful building materials to fashion into whatever your imagination can come up with. In my case, a castle that looked suspiciously like Optimus Prime from the front.

However, it was beneath my castle that the true wonders resided. In order to accrue the stone needed for my awesome castle I had to dig and dig. It was sometime before I realised that I was now at the bottom of a 10×10 block hole that went down some 60 block-lengths (one block is 1 metre cubed for all the noobs out there). It hit me like a tonne of bricks. This was my chance for my subterranean fortress! The giddy child in me could hardly contain all its coca cola fuelled excitement. I set to work exploring the limits of this new subterranean world when all of a sudden the tragedy! Oh the horror! I broke into a ready made tunnel. An in-game approximation of a cave system lay sprawled before me. I was furious. I wanted to make my own tunnels, not explore some arbitrary maze rendered by some mindless, unimaginative algorithm.

I know that, for a lot of players, exploring these caves provides endless enjoyment but in my humble opinion I say “Fuck that for a laugh!”. I want my own tunnels, damn it. I want spiral staircases and an endless horizontal shaft (not what you think you filthy minded Luddite) stretching as far as the draw distance afforded by my graphics card will allow.

For now, however, I will dig my mines and build my castles for this game is now the replacement for the giant box of Lego under the stairs. The Lego that I am still too proud to admit that I am dying to take out again.

I’m already odd enough without being  a grown man who plays with Lego.

Here is my thing:

@shanekitt

Think that’s it anyway.

A multitude of overwhelming sights and sounds greeted me upon arrival with the crowds adding their own brand of music. However, this was the opening night and things were bound to become a little crowded. I ducked and weaved my way through the throng to see such things as an instrument that is so sensitive to the pressure and movement of the musicians fingers that only one person in the world can play it. A participatory experiment that seeks to gather raw data concerning how music affects our biology and brain activity – the first comprehensive study of its kind -  was clearly the most popular of the night. Unfortunately, the crowds once again got the better of me.

The exhibit seems like a great way to spend a couple of hours both from a scientific and an entertainment point of view. Biorhythm opens its doors to the public on the 2nd of July and runs right up until the 1st of October.

Much of these little impulses don’t make much sense. In fact it’s generally considered good practice not to give me too much to do at any one point lest I come back wondering why you just asked me to throw sods of turf at a cat. It’s a good thing to be impulsive but when it’s coupled with a tendency to go into a sort of mental feedback loop when given a simple choice between fried rice or chips it get’s a little old.

Imagine the scenario: You’re standing in front of two equally delicious fast food restaurants. BAM! The impulse hits you! You want some food – now. Walk towards fast food outlet. Wait! Which one? This one has good sauce on the burgers but that one has a security guard who intentionally scares children. Hilariously inappropriate or tasty burger? How do I choose?!

This is my life and I’m living it one day at a time…

And so we come to the crux of this concept: what’s missing from my fortress of solitude? Plenty. That’s what’s missing. As a shamelessly consumerist fanboy I need unnecessary things in my life. I am without HD anything. I am Playstation-less as much I am sans Xbox. Blu-ray for me is Mr. Romano in the Antarctic. I, like everyone else, blame the economy. And the banks. And George Bush.

I ask you: what the hell is wrong with my generation? The other day I helped my young cousin set up his iPod touch and his iTunes account. Despite my hatred of all things Apple I found myself yearning, no, lusting for one of these shiny devices. Apple you are the high-class hooker of the consumer electronics world and I almost fell prey to your sweet honey trap. Steve Jobs, I’m going to continue using my humble Creative Zen until it turns to dust (most likely because I will have to keep tapping away to get through it’s awful shuffle function that plays the same song three times in one hour).

So readers tell me of your impulsive buys and the shame you felt when you realised that rather than needing what you just bought you were succumbing to some counter-evolutionary compulsion that will see us all with LCD screens in our teeth in ten years time. I have mine on pre-order…

In a bold surge of faux-professionalism I’ve gone all minimal and new age with the layout and theme. The double semi-colons flanking my John Hancock up there really give it that digital flare don’t you think? Ooh you can smell the biting self-deprecation can’t you! This is irony wrapped in sarcasm wrapped in more irony and even I’m confused…

That’s it for the introduction now here’s the serious bit. This is basically a mini-showcase of my writing, be it humourous, observational, insightful, discursive, satirical or just for the hell of it. I hope you enjoy reading it and give me a shout if you do. I’m actually a nice guy when I want to be.